Psychology of Behavior

Today I’m starting a new series. I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and behavior of people. If you’re interested in participating in this series, please email me at jenlbrice (at) gmail.com. I’m looking to interview people and may potentially post up a survey to see how others see certain behaviors/situations in relation to this topic. Please note I am in no way certified in psychology or behavior. I’ve only taken a few classes in psychology and behavior through my undergraduate and graduate studies (MS in Biology). Instead, I am going to write about my viewpoints and opinions in regards to different every-day situations that people find themselves in and how they behave throughout them. I will be seeking feedback as I go, and will take requests. Are you interested in any particular situation? Do you need advice? I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to help, but I can and am willing to give you my thoughts towards whatever it is you’re going through.

While I’m not certified in psychology, I have been working with people in many ways since high school. I have a robust resume, both in the career and relationship realms. That being said, I do not know everything and I am willing to admit that. Also, every situation is different. The way people see things is different, because we are all a little bit different from each other.

Today we are going to dive right in on this topic that’s been on my mind lately. In regards to being cheated on, sometimes we blame ourselves. We ask what did I do to deserve this? Could I have done something different to avoid this? Was I not loving enough? Am I not lovable? But the truth is that it isn’t your fault. It’s the person who cheated on you. Think of it this way: they couldn’t handle you so they sought love elsewhere. But they can’t handle ANYONE. Love isn’t easy. Ever. With anyone. Love is a choice. And to love unconditionally is not natural. We actually rarely see monogamy in nature.

So why bother? Because when two people choose to love each other no matter what, a beautiful thing happens. The rare thing is beautiful. Like my grandparents who were married for over 50 years (and my grandma still loves my grandpa, rest his soul). When you find the right person, love won’t be “easy” but it will feel right. Like how God loves us, that is also not an easy love. We killed his only son, yet he still chooses us! He still chooses to love us. No matter what. No matter our sins, no matter our past. He wants us to seek Him and to love Him. It’s through this example of love we are to love one another. Definitely not easy but more than worth it. For the love of God can carry us up mountains, through valleys and everything in-between.

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It’s truly amazing to think about. If God can love us like this, we can love each other like this. I strive daily to show my love and joy for others. I want to share God’s love with other people.

So this is pretty deep, but the recent events in America have been tugging on my heart to talk about love. Love is real, love is hard, but it is the only way we will move forward. Love your neighbor, love your brother, and together we have a bright future.

Have you been cheated on? How do you view love? Do you think it’s supposed to be easy? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

I promise the next topic won’t be as deep. 🙂

Safe Sex

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The term safe sex gets thrown around a lot and is used loosely and misunderstood in today’s society. Most people hear safe sex and think only about pregnancy prevention. Full disclosure, that was me in my twenties. Since I was in a committed long-term relationship, my biggest concern was pregnancy. But safe sex is more than just preventing a mini-me.

Teen pregnancies are decreasing over the last several years, but STD rates are increasing. So good job on preventing those babies, but now you have to deal with that syphilis. Here are some options to prevent both babies and those dreaded diseases:

The book "<a href="http://boyopress.com/protect-yourself/" target="_blank">Protect Yourself: Venereal Disease Posters of World War II</a>" by Ryan Mungia looks back at the posters designed to discourage military members from putting themselves at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases during World War II.

  1. Abstinence. Not only for the ultra-conservative, religious type. Avoiding sex will also avoid all the possible effects of it. Treat your body like a temple, and keep the gate closed until you’re ready. But you may get lonely/bored of masturbation. I made it 23 years living the life of abstinence, and turned out okay (sorta).
  2. Physical Protection. I.e. condoms or diaphragms. Condoms are one-time use and are about 98% effective in preventing pregnancy and STIs when used correctly and ALL THE TIME. While they aren’t 100%, 98% is better than zero. Diaphragms are a little different. They are reusable for up to 2 years but shouldn’t be worn for more than 24 hours at a time. The nice part about them is that you can insert them prior to sex and not worry about it until later on. The only thing is they don’t protect against STIs, only pregnancy. So if you use a diaphragm, you have to use another form of protection to protect against STIs. They are 88% effective against pregnancy with typical use, which means that extra protection wouldn’t be a bad idea to get that percentage higher.
  3. Hormonal Protection. I.e. birth control pill. Birth control is just that: it protects you against pregnancy but does nothing against those diseases. They are about 91% effective with typical use, as long as you take them every day around the same time. Miss a dose? You better have a backup plan! I was on birth control for about ten years through my twenties, at first to control my cycle, then mainly to prevent pregnancy. For me, it was 100% effective. #kidfree
  4. Family planning. So, normally people will track their ovulations when planning to have a baby. But I have taken this to the next level and actually track my ovulations to plan to not become pregnant. I now generally know when I will ovulate and I’m sure to avoid sex for the days surrounding my ovulation (5 days before and a day after). This adds to the other forms of protection I’m using, and together it is basically 100% protection against pregnancy.

As you can see, the best way to prevent disease is abstinence. But for those of us who aren’t nuns, using a condom correctly is the next best option. Another option is to just to stick to foreplay and oral sex. No matter what, be sure to not sleep with anyone who has genital sores, a rash, discharge, or other symptoms. Hygiene is important: wash up before and after sex! Also, get a Hepatits B vaccine.

How do you prevent pregnancy? And STDs? Do you feel awkward yet? Do you hate condoms as much as I do? Share your thoughts below.

When to walk away

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Do you feel emotionally drained and don’t know why? Do you doubt yourself after talking to your partner? There are 5 things that every emotional manipulator does to confuse and drain you.

  1. They will persistently dismiss your emotions. If you ever tell your significant other about something they did or said that hurt you, they will turn it around and say you’re making it a bigger deal than it really is, disregarding your feelings. Their apathetic attitude will eventually make you start doubting yourself, so you introspectively gather your thoughts and start believing it’s your fault. You lose motivation to pursue the issue any further.
  2. They play “tit for tat” pretty well. If you ever become confident to approach them with what you think they are lacking in terms of affection or intimacy or emotional support, they  will respond by listing all the things they find lacking in you. They might try and throw it back at you and once again blame you for the reason there’s even an issue in the first place. If you’re like me, this will just make you crawl into your shell further.
  3. They are completely different people when no one else is around. You’re with your friends having a great time, everyone’s laughing. But then at the end of the night when no one else is around, your partner starts a fight saying how terrible you are with his friends and how mean you are to him in front of his friends. He can make fun of you but you can’t make fun of him back. Sometimes it feels like he just wants to fight.
  4. They try to convince you that everyone else is on their side. We all make mistakes, but if you make a mistake and you’re with an emotional manipulator, one thing to look out for is if they try and point out to you the error of your ways and tell you that everyone else is in agreement that you’re wrong. These supposed phantom alliances that allegedly conspire against you leave you feeling left out and insecure. If you inquire as to who’s saying this, you probably won’t receive an answer or they will just lie to your face.
  5. To them you are not intelligent enough to understand their reasoning. An emotional manipulator is not prone to explaining their own actions to you when asked, their reason will be that it’s too complex for you to understand. Their goal is to put themselves above you by pointing out to you your lack of intelligence. If your partner continues to withhold information from you, you will never know when you do something right or wrong. This puts you in a terrible, vulnerable place to be attacked over the smallest things.

Speaking from experience, if your significant other is doing these things, it’s time to leave. There’s no reasoning with someone who’s unwilling to be reasonable. And no one deserves to be manipulated like that anyways. We are all our own people and we all have a right to our feelings and emotions.

Defend yourself from these types of people. Raise your tail feathers and quills. Don’t let manipulators get to you.

 

National scare your dog day

Many of us celebrated the 4th of July with fireworks. But did you think of poor fido? I don’t know if your dog gets scared or not, but I know mine does. In my house, we refer to the 4th of July as National scare your dog day.

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Every year, Barley acts like the world is ending. He doesn’t budge from the bathroom, which is the most central room in our home. There you will find him shaking like a leaf, drooling up a puddle around him. No amount of hugs and kisses will calm him down, but he demands them anyways. I wish I could pluck Barley out of the field of bombs he thinks he’s in and place him in a padded, quiet room of calm.

When we go for walks, he is almost too scared to even go on the grass. It takes him an extra ten minutes to work up the courage to take a poop. In the past, I’ve tried medications and natural calming remedies, to no avail. He’s a Sheltie mix and naturally a nervous Nelly to begin with. The meds just make him loopier than normal, but still shaky and nervous. Perhaps just more drool.

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On a more serious note, many dogs end up in the ER on the 4th of July due to them being so scared. It can get so bad that they could start showing neurological signs. If your dog displays the following symptoms, consider taking them to the veterinarian:

Collapsing, jerking, stiffening, muscle twitching, loss of consciousness, drooling, chomping, tongue chewing, or foaming at the mouth. Your dog may walk in circles and bump into things. He might have a lot of drool on his chin and could be bleeding in his mouth if he bit himself. He may try to hide.

If you’re in the Chicagoland area, there are many great options for animal ER care for days like the 4th when your normal Vet is closed. I.e. MedVet, VSC, and Blue Pearl.

Is your pet scared of the fireworks? Do you have a remedy that works? If you do, please share below.

 

Magnetic Energy

Have you ever met someone and instantly connected with them? Almost like a magnet, they draw you into their world and make you feel welcome. Like your energy melds well with theirs, and you both give off a similar vibe.

I’ve noticed that this tends to happen when I meet other positive and passionate people like me. When I meet someone, I try to read their vibe and adjust my approach to them accordingly. I have a lot of energy, but am exclusive in regards to who I share it with. Usually when I first join a new group of people, I remain pretty quiet as I observe everyone and how they interact with each other. For example, I started running with this fun run group about two months ago and I didn’t really tell anyone much about me until about 3 to 4 weeks into it.

Another good example is a new job. It usually takes me about 2-3 months to warm up enough to be a fraction of myself at a new job. I do this so that I can learn the company culture and environment without tainting it with my craziness. This is also a way for me to be careful that I don’t overstep my bounds at a new company. What tends to happen is that most people think I don’t know English or that I’m from a different country that’s how quiet and shy I seem those first few months. I’ve had many people ask me where I’m from and when I respond with Chicago they ask but where were you born? Chicago. Still Chicago.

As long as you’re positive and passionate, we will likely get along. Just don’t lie to me. And don’t call me Jenny. Do you have a magnetic personality? Do you give out your energy? Or do you reserve it for only certain people? Or maybe no one other than yourself? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks!

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