Technology is the death of romance

As some of you may or may not know, I have been on the struggle bus of romance for most of my adult life. The past year I’ve spent pursuing someone I kept telling myself was worth it. But in reality, I should have ran away when he dumped me via text message the first time.

Technology has led to many issues in the world of dating and romance. First of all, there’s countless dating websites and apps that promise you they will find THE match of YOUR dreams. The endless swiping makes it seem like there is a bottomless pool of applicants, and with that idea comes the idea that if the guy in front of you doesn’t work out, there’s another potential match behind him. But the reality is that I have matched with the same 3 guys countless times, and they are still just as single as I am with no more potential than the last guy I gave a chance.

And maybe it isn’t technology, maybe it is just my cold, wearisome heart that has been to hell and back. Married, divorced, had a kid with someone who never saw me, been on countless first dates, even tried my hardest to see the best in people only to crash and burn. It might be me, but technology has killed what little romance was left in my life.

Email or text message break ups are a cop-out. They are the cowards way out of a hard situation. I know because I’ve been that coward. It seems easier to just text. Easier than a phone call or face to face conversation. But even my first boyfriend who cheated on me had the decency to break up with me in person. And while that was uncomfortable and awkward, it was still 100 times better than a text message break up.

Despite my struggles, I am still pushing forward and focusing on myself and my happiness. But I think it is important to look for both green flags and red flags when meeting people. So I will leave the top green and red flags I’ve seen in the world of dating and meeting people when it comes to technology

Red flags:

Always on their phone/can’t pry their eyes off of the their phone on a date

Is more concerned about their social media accounts than actually making connections (guys and girls who just want the insta followers and not to actually date)

Prefers to text/email over having an actual conversation via the phone or face-to-face

Green flags:

Puts away the phone and keeps it away unless using to show you videos or pictures

Makes you feel more important than any device

Prefers to talk via phone or face-to-face and makes an effort to create those conversations as much as you are

Why I’m not afraid of being single

First of all, before I dive into the topic of my dating life, I must pre-cursor with: I am completely and utterly full of joy in every aspect of my life. My career, my education (on-going), my family, my friends, and my faith. Everything literally feels like a dream. Needless to say, I have zero complaints. Except for one. My singleness. But not enough to lower my standards. Or settle for less.

See, recently someone told me I can’t afford to be picky. Maybe because I have a daughter and want another kid. Maybe because I’m not getting any younger. Maybe because it would be really nice to have someone to help me grow in all aspects of life: financially, physically, and mentally. But no where in any of that is what God wants for my life. See, it’s easy to give excuses as to why I could just settle for the next guy who swipes right on me (if I ever go back on the apps lol). Or I could start building a case to go backwards and just accept someone who doesn’t value me as much as I should be valued. But in doing any of these things, I lose myself and what brings me joy.

Why should I walk away from my joy-filled life only to check a box? And while a good, healthy partnership is way more than a box, right now without that good, healthy relationship waiting on my doorstep it is just a box to check off. And at the end of the day, I have to focus on the most important things in my life. My daughter is important, my faith is important, my well-being is important. See, I love myself and I love Jesus. And I love others. I have so much love sometimes it’s overwhelming. But no where did God say it’s ok to love those who don’t love you back. Or, rather, you can love but with boundaries.

I think these past four years since my husband left me in late 2016 I’ve struggled with my self-worth and value. See, I believed the lies the devil told me that I wasn’t worth it. I still battle these lies daily, but I know that I am beyond worth it. I know that I am powerful but not powerful enough to ruin God’s plan for my life. And so far, from what I’ve seen, it’s a glorious plan. Even if it includes me being single. I have all the love and joy I need.

I’ll leave you all with this piece of wisdom:

Reality of Teaching

“I ain’t writin’ nuttin’”

Says my student to her blank paper

If I don’t end up pushing

She will be set up for failure

It’s up to me to have the right mindset

I have to demand success

It may seem like a threat

But without, there will only be unrest

It’s up to us teachers to be the reform

We have the power to rewrite history

Producing academic success and equity isn’t an art form

It isn’t a magical mystery

We need to change our reality

My students’ success is in my hands

We are one big family

I am their biggest fan

Picking students from different demographics

To create cogenerative dialogues

Representing multiple geographics

Moving beyond the typical monologues

Redefining the term co-teaching

Letting our youth teach their classmates

Proving to them that we’re believing

Creating a community of team-mates

Going way beyond just the content

Generating a safe space to grow

Giving the learning environment context

Letting thoughts and ideas flow

Growth comes from discomfort

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re likely aware of the many protests occurring in order to bring about changes in regards to how people of color (POC) are treated. This is not a new fight, it’s actually been going on for hundreds of years. The hate crimes/ police brutality are not new either, they are just being video taped more regularly thanks to technology. Through everything though, we as a people know that change won’t come from us just sitting at home. We must unite, protest and march together to bring about change. White people along with people of color must come together to bring about the needed changes. We must not remain silent.

It’s easy to see discomfort is a necessary thing to endure in order to grow as a nation, as a community, and as humans. A lot of people get stuck. A lot of people get comfortable. Many people are so comfortable, they’re miserable. Actually I personally know several people who are comfortably broke. So broke they can’t even feed their own children, and yet won’t step out of their comfort zone to relieve some of their expenses or make more money.

Breaking a habit, trying something new, taking a risk, making new connections, or putting yourself in a totally new situation won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it. Calvin Coolidge says “All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.”

I, for one, know that I am not happy with my current financial situation. I also know that I have the power to change it. I want to grow not only financially, but also spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I want to help students learn and better their lives through science and beyond. I know I have to face some discomfort, I actually get really nervous giving presentations/speeches. Especially on video. And here I am jumping into teaching (likely virtually) starting in July. So I know it will be uncomfortable. I know it’ll be hard. I also know it’ll be worth it. I will be exhausted but also full of joy.

What area of your life are you trying to grow or change? Are you sitting idle hoping for things to just magically get better, or are you putting yourself out there to get uncomfortable and force yourself to change?

How expecting a baby raised my standards

Pregnant and dating: not two words commonly seen together.

But that’s me. You’re not so common pregnant chick. And don’t get me wrong, I am focused almost exclusively on my baby and me. But just about two years ago, God told me that He has someone better for me (in the context of my heart breaking over my ex). And the past two years, I’ve managed to carve my own path. I made a list of deal-breakers, and then promptly didn’t follow them. I dated all the wrong guys.

But getting pregnant has helped me to open my eyes and see everything that I was doing wrong. I was chasing that fleeting feeling. You know, the one where a cute guy kisses you and you just imagine the selfies because he is that good looking. Or the one where you feel his abs and think to yourself that you can overlook his personality flaws. Abs tho…

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That brings me to present day. The pregnant chick who couldn’t even make it work with the baby daddy. Trust me, I still get a lot of people wondering what’s wrong with me. I couldn’t keep a husband, and here I am about to be a single mom. But no where along the way have I lowered my standards. Actually, becoming pregnant raised them.

Now I have a screening process. I won’t even talk to a guy on the phone or meet him in person without him knowing my story. Yes, I am literally telling strangers my story. Similar to you reading my blog posts, I am laying it all out there. Married and divorced, pregnant and single. And yeah, I’m not the easiest to love due to these and other situations I’ve been through. But I know I’m worth it.

And even if I don’t find that someone better. Even if I’m single for the rest of my life. I would rather be single and happy than taken and depressed. Been there, done that. Now’s the time that I find that someone better. Or maybe not right now, but in God’s timing.

And yes there are guys willing to date me and take a chance. Just because one guy can’t see it doesn’t mean there isn’t another out there who can.

Roller Coasting

Over this past weekend, I went to Cedar Point with my family and fellow roller coaster fan Nathen. It had been a long five years since I had been to Cedar Point and a few new rides were added since I was there last.

We were able to ride all the roller coasters multiple times, and despite the new rides being amazing, the three above remain my favorite rides. Time and time again, these three have delivered much joy and happiness in my life. Millennium Force being my favorite, with Top Thrill Dragster and Raptor up there as well. Don’t get me wrong, the newer coasters were amazing, but I tend to be a creature of habit and I like the classic rides more than the new rides. Sometimes the newer rides try too hard to be unique and stand out that it’s just like meh.

But I was glad to be able to ride the newer coasters since there were two big coasters built since 2012.

Valravn is supposedly the tallest, fastest, and longest dive coaster in the world. That one was pretty cool, I will admit that. It stops at the top of the drop and makes you stare at the ground before you plunge down and into a loop. And GateKeeper was awesome as well.  It is a winged coaster which is fine since it makes you feel like you’re flying while strapped in and screaming for your life. And don’t mind the gloomy picture, the weather held up and kept most of the crowds away for the most part. But I did get some creepy photos…

Overall, it was a great trip and I definitely got my roller coaster fix. For now… until next time. What’s your favorite amusement park? What’s your favorite roller coaster? Would love to collaborate with other roller coaster enthusiasts and maybe put together a review of multiple coasters and parks. I’ve actually been to quite a few different parks through my life and may have to dig up old pictures to share of my past adventures. Where to next? 🙂

 

Labeling life

Do you feel like you’re in control of your life? Do you feel stable in every aspect of your life? I’m talking career, family, friends, and relationships. Are you living a healthy and happy lifestyle? Today I’m going to focus on relationships and how some people feel the need to label every relationship in their life.

As I’ve been reintroduced into the single world, I have been asked the most random questions from my friends and family: Are you dating? Are you in a relationship? Are you just friends? Do you have friends? How did you meet? Do you like him? Does he like you? What about your sex life? Why are you not married yet? Do you even want kids anymore?

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But then I’ve come to realize, why do we over think everything? And why does everything have to have a label? Why can’t we just enjoy life, in the moment, and not think about what this or that means? Why can’t we just grow as people and focus on ourselves rather than defining every relationship we’re a part of. Actually when I did try to jump the gun and label a relationship way too quickly, it ended up making me run away from it as fast as possible. I learned the hard way that you can’t force something that isn’t meant to be.

Friends: But how do you know if it’s meant to be? When do you know when it’s serious? Are you really okay with just being friends with someone for that long? What if he’s dating other people too? Wait, are you dating multiple people? Are you okay being single?

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While being organized in life is important and I enjoy planning and being productive, sometimes there are just things that you can’t label in life. There are typically a few different labels we enjoy giving relationships:

Friend, significant other, spouse, enemy, acquaintance, co-worker, classmate, etc. And sometimes we just find ourselves staring, looking for something we don’t have (any of these labels may be missing in our life). But sometimes the harder we look, the less likely we’ll find what we seek.

So I challenge you to let go of the labels, to stop overthinking every little thing. Just enjoy what you know you can control in life: yourself. People will come and go in life, but at the end of the day the only person who can make you happy is yourself. And stop seeking so hard. Once you stop looking, you will be able to see more clearly the beautiful world around you. And if it’s meant to be, maybe one day someone will stand next to you and see the same beauty you do, just through their own lens. But that isn’t something you should worry about now or ever. Love yourself first. Let go and let God.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

And thank you to my amazing friends for keeping me in check the past 6 plus months! Love all of you!!

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Digging in

After the roller coaster ride that I’ve been on for the past year and a half, I’m finally able to plant my seeds this spring. Gradually my life will grow roots in this new place with the right elements: not just water and sunlight, but also through my church, marathon training, my faith and my wonderful family and friends. All of the aspects of my life help me be the best version of me. Iron sharpens iron.

With the proper mindset and environment, I will grow strong and healthy roots and I’ll blossom when the timing is right. I set goals and I achieve them. I don’t make excuses, even when things become difficult I just keep trying. And I don’t give up.

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When I get lost or discouraged, I find my way through the word of God which is alive within me. The bible is my map. Faith activates the word, my revelation activates faith, and meditation activates my revelations. Every day, I make time to be in the word. Just me and my map. With this, I feel like I can face anything in life.

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While I never know what life will throw at me next, I have no fear of what’s next. What does being rooted mean to you?

Pause. Breathe. Let go.

I don’t know about you, but for me I feel like I’m moving so fast through life that sometimes I wake up and wonder how I got where I am today. Is it already Spring? Already April?! What happened and where have I been?

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How did I get here? Some days I just run. I enjoy moving so much that I’m running not only a half but also a full marathon this year. Not just physically moving, but also the soreness that comes afterwards helps me feel alive. I feel like I’ve been propelled into this life I’m now living. A life full of joy and happiness. Sometimes, in the midst of the movement and exhaustion, I find myself slipping back into my old habits. I have a big heart full of love and emotion. For many years, I had a person to pour that love into. And I was under the impression they felt the same.

While I’m healing and getting better, there is still a part of me that fears being alone. Something I’ve always struggled with. But now I’m older and more mature. And I know that I have to be comfortable being alone and love myself completely before I can even consider the possibility of letting a new person into my life. So I have to force myself to sit down and be okay hanging out with just myself (and maybe Barley and the cats can hang with me too haha). I have to be okay with going days without talking to people. An extrovert’s nightmare, but I have to be okay with being introverted sometimes too.

For those who don’t know, I grew up very introverted. Over the past several years, I’ve gradually become more and more extroverted through my multiple jobs and passions in life. I feel like this isn’t a very uncommon thing, especially since this world we live in expects people to be extroverted. But as I’ve been going through this journey to being extroverted, I sometimes feel overwhelmed and I can feel my true introverted self screaming on the inside. So I have to pause, breathe, and let go of my fears.

This year will be the year that I work on myself first and foremost. With the help of God and my faith, I have big plans for this year. More to come soon. Love all of you. 🙂

Self Evolve – Work in Progress

I’m proud to announce that my personal training business is up and running. I call it a personal training business, but have so much more to offer through it. In addition to personal training, I offer: group classes, generalized diet planning, and life coaching. I also have a vision for this company to be more than just fitness based. Within the next few months, I plan on starting up a podcast that will focus on stories from my life in order to encourage and motivate others. If the podcast does well, I plan on bringing in other people who have been influential to my life and my story. So while my business is officially official, it is still a work in progress. And I think it always will be, hence the name Self Evolve. I will and am always evolving and adapting into the Jen I’m meant to be.

This is me. Take it or leave it. And thank you to those who believe in me, you’ve helped me get where I am and you continue to help me move forward, one step at a time. Please check out my multiple presences throughout the world wide web:

http://selfevolve.co/

https://twitter.com/selfevolveco

https://www.facebook.com/selfevolveco/

https://www.instagram.com/selfevolveco/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/16197196

And a few photos:

The logo is still being worked on but should be coming out within the next 2-3 weeks. Stay tuned. 🙂